This blog has no reason to be alive nor do I want it to be around anymore. saves me another portion of my youth,though much of it has went to a waste. There is a reason for doing a thing and sometimes one doesn't even need any reason to justify his action. It's been fun writing all my miseries, rant, fortunes and misfortunes alike.
Nothing beats the fun giving any reader(if there is any) a taste of my life, however miserable or good it is. The greatest gift a writer can give to his audience is not to write what is expected by them.
My thought is my personal right and my actions are the manifestation of my thought.
I am already losing grip of reality and everything around me. gradually, i feel something inside of me going numb. For whatever reason, I don't feel sad when bad things happen to me nor do i feel good when the opposite happens to me.I look for equality when surrounded by people , just so that I am not entangled by preferences. Those that I know, I don't know who they really are. Superficiality covers and masks the true identity of one, whether he or she admits it.
It's been a short experience since the old SKYFURNACE bailed out. I am not losing heart nor do I want to surrender to the demon that keeps my writing at bay. There are times when one should back down and lay low, being a quiet observant, weary of his surrounding. those are the things that i will write or etch in my brain, in place of the dead SKYFURNACE. Expecting an end to something is foolish, for a life can be brought to an abrupt end, that is how everything revolves at, the way I see things are. Life, in essence, is nothing but a dream.
we all sleep while we wake up and wake up while we sleep.is the past reality? are memories the truth?
where are dreams.dreams?
the dreams we dream while asleep, the dreams we dream while awake? they are both the same. the people that say they don't dream only don't remember. the people with no dreams have only yet to notice them. they are cowards.they want to see them, but they're merely forcing themselves not to.
and this is just an illusion. controlled by an unseen hand, the truth is still covered by a thick veil. but it quietly , like the moons of Titans,secretly exists.eventually showing itself after the sandstorm clears.
so.... let's stop getting angry over such simple pleasures. this is not a joke. nor it is a fiction. or ....have i been seeing a bad dream?...
InsyaAllah
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Sunday, November 28, 2004
Session13
Kabare..
the whole semester flew by ,3 weeks or so to the finishing line.
balik dari Iowa, as expected bumi minnesota dah agak putih, and more is coming.
Kalau tengok salji yang putih, let's ponder and reflect ..kalau2 hati kita sama putih dengan salji.
One of penyakit hati,especially untuk orang2 macam aku ialah we easily judge people by their actions. kalo orang tak cakap..aku pon tak tahu..this is a kronik disease.
we, with our limited capacity, has no ability nor any right to judge people. Yes, people make mistake dan kita sebenarnya buat zalim ngan our brothers or sisters kalo kita kata he or she is not a good muslim. kita tak tahu probobly he or she has done a better deed than us. So the best way to treat our brothers and sisters is that kita ada bersangka baik ngan diorang and we believe that they are better than us.
the whole semester flew by ,3 weeks or so to the finishing line.
balik dari Iowa, as expected bumi minnesota dah agak putih, and more is coming.
Kalau tengok salji yang putih, let's ponder and reflect ..kalau2 hati kita sama putih dengan salji.
One of penyakit hati,especially untuk orang2 macam aku ialah we easily judge people by their actions. kalo orang tak cakap..aku pon tak tahu..this is a kronik disease.
we, with our limited capacity, has no ability nor any right to judge people. Yes, people make mistake dan kita sebenarnya buat zalim ngan our brothers or sisters kalo kita kata he or she is not a good muslim. kita tak tahu probobly he or she has done a better deed than us. So the best way to treat our brothers and sisters is that kita ada bersangka baik ngan diorang and we believe that they are better than us.
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Session 12
esok thanksgiving, a much needed break..I was cracking my brain trying to figure out Senior Design..and semalam all hell broke loose...nasib baik aku takde kat group meeting..sapa2 yg bertuah dapat baca entry yang telah dideletekan got to see the other side of Abdullah Ali...
eh aku pon tak sure bila thanksgiving..takpa2..janji cuti...aku tak bole la plak nak wish thanksgiving kat orang...it just doesn't cut it
i would like to say while life has come to a stump for a while....apasal..that's what i got for cracking emm...figuring all of those tiny weeny, nagging problems all in my brain....at the same time...so macam ko fikir satu masalah ...and the other problem overlapped on it and overlapped and it goes on...roots dia..tah....aku pon tak sure kat mana...
Aku nak share one advice..exercise yourself...g gym ke...g jogging ke...benefit dia..kena buat baru tahu..ada orang kata..bole jatuhkan berat badan...ada orang kata tambah stamina and cardiovascular rate...ada kata bole tambah body mass..all of those make sense...or I just need to beat some sense into orang yang tak penah exercise...
eh aku pon tak sure bila thanksgiving..takpa2..janji cuti...aku tak bole la plak nak wish thanksgiving kat orang...it just doesn't cut it
i would like to say while life has come to a stump for a while....apasal..that's what i got for cracking emm...figuring all of those tiny weeny, nagging problems all in my brain....at the same time...so macam ko fikir satu masalah ...and the other problem overlapped on it and overlapped and it goes on...roots dia..tah....aku pon tak sure kat mana...
Aku nak share one advice..exercise yourself...g gym ke...g jogging ke...benefit dia..kena buat baru tahu..ada orang kata..bole jatuhkan berat badan...ada orang kata tambah stamina and cardiovascular rate...ada kata bole tambah body mass..all of those make sense...or I just need to beat some sense into orang yang tak penah exercise...
Monday, November 22, 2004
Session 10:
umm..let's see the story goes like this..
One day, I was surfing the Internet aimlessly when a godd idea struck my thinking cap...dude..why don't get yourself a really nice thing, something that you can appreciate probably not forever..but until the day you die
that's a good call...let see ...gaji baru masuk...and i had my savings from my freshman...not bad...let's surf the internet and google everything we can think of...i said to my self...
and off i went from watches, cameras, pants,fleece , gifts, and finally i found a nice backpack..hmmm..i can use this to travel around the world....deuter was the brand name..it's a good time to replace me good ol' buddy that went mising ...who in their right mind would want to take my good buddy...damnation..i miss that backpack..
it's like my best friend..
well anyway...I took along time figuring out that if i should go ahead and purchase the backpack....everyday i look at it and even put the website in my favorite folder...finally one day i decide to go on with the purchase...i punched in my credit card number and waited and waited but the bag never arrived...
rushing to the internet to check my order...my jaw dropped in shock and horror..shit..the shipment address is wrong ...and hell ..the website went defunct a week after the purchase...
man.. i really wanted that backpack...oh hell...I still have the northface backpack..it would do just great...
One day, I was surfing the Internet aimlessly when a godd idea struck my thinking cap...dude..why don't get yourself a really nice thing, something that you can appreciate probably not forever..but until the day you die
that's a good call...let see ...gaji baru masuk...and i had my savings from my freshman...not bad...let's surf the internet and google everything we can think of...i said to my self...
and off i went from watches, cameras, pants,fleece , gifts, and finally i found a nice backpack..hmmm..i can use this to travel around the world....deuter was the brand name..it's a good time to replace me good ol' buddy that went mising ...who in their right mind would want to take my good buddy...damnation..i miss that backpack..
it's like my best friend..
well anyway...I took along time figuring out that if i should go ahead and purchase the backpack....everyday i look at it and even put the website in my favorite folder...finally one day i decide to go on with the purchase...i punched in my credit card number and waited and waited but the bag never arrived...
rushing to the internet to check my order...my jaw dropped in shock and horror..shit..the shipment address is wrong ...and hell ..the website went defunct a week after the purchase...
man.. i really wanted that backpack...oh hell...I still have the northface backpack..it would do just great...
Session 9
If you can't let it go, then it's not worth having.....sounds ambigous ..but i really have to give credit to somebody that came with this phrase..perplexing...
aku dah reach conclusion that aku dah sampai satu point yang aku tak ada perasaan kat orang..marah tak..suka tak..benci tak...it's like aku dah throw away all those stuff...without even realizing it. So kalo korang buat cibai ngan aku...jangan terkejut kalau aku tak marah or tak respond apa2...it's useless to have those right..
aku dah reach conclusion that aku dah sampai satu point yang aku tak ada perasaan kat orang..marah tak..suka tak..benci tak...it's like aku dah throw away all those stuff...without even realizing it. So kalo korang buat cibai ngan aku...jangan terkejut kalau aku tak marah or tak respond apa2...it's useless to have those right..
Saturday, November 20, 2004
Session 8
it's been a while...
i've got into some interesting conversation dengan teammamtes from Senior Design project. They are amazed of my volition to came half the world to this yankee's land and both of em' never set foot on other countries. So diorang tanya weekend aku buat apa...usual stuff.. kerja homework and other stuff.
And then another unexpected question popped out ...How about the ladies, Abdullah?How about the ladies in your life? so aku pon jawab..none...pretty good answer eh...
aku pon tak ingat lagi apa aku cakap kat diorang...
emm..aku nak cakap skit pasal modesty in dressing...men should observed more modesty in their clothing....lelaki yang pakai body hugging dress is an EYESORE... aku tak nak cakap pasal the opposite sex...so lelaki pon nak kena pakai baju that doesn't make the body shape too obvious and cover our butt..it sounds kinky..but trust me brothers ..better cover it ...cam kalo kita treasure something we keep it really tightly sealed and watch over it right...so the same thing we don for our God - given body...it's that simple...
i've got into some interesting conversation dengan teammamtes from Senior Design project. They are amazed of my volition to came half the world to this yankee's land and both of em' never set foot on other countries. So diorang tanya weekend aku buat apa...usual stuff.. kerja homework and other stuff.
And then another unexpected question popped out ...How about the ladies, Abdullah?How about the ladies in your life? so aku pon jawab..none...pretty good answer eh...
aku pon tak ingat lagi apa aku cakap kat diorang...
emm..aku nak cakap skit pasal modesty in dressing...men should observed more modesty in their clothing....lelaki yang pakai body hugging dress is an EYESORE... aku tak nak cakap pasal the opposite sex...so lelaki pon nak kena pakai baju that doesn't make the body shape too obvious and cover our butt..it sounds kinky..but trust me brothers ..better cover it ...cam kalo kita treasure something we keep it really tightly sealed and watch over it right...so the same thing we don for our God - given body...it's that simple...
Saturday, November 13, 2004
Session 7: Eid Mubarak
how's your day?
Sempena eid mubarak yang mluia nih ,aku nak cakap pasal solat eid...the biggest day after the month of Ramadan.
katakanlah ko ajak member ko pegi solat eid and dia cakap malas..camnih "Ah, maleh ah"....camne ko rasa....ko rasa tak kesah..ke..or ko rasa bagi penempeleng kat member ko tuh..enmm..senario nih apply utk orang lelaki je...and dia jawab lagi..."ada match bola ah kol 6am Team A vs Team B,".....ini memang answer yang will boil my blood and bukan je aku rasa nak tempeleng, aku rasa nak tambah dengan penyepak..double treat....
ko dah puasa sebulan pegi la semayang raya...bukan je lama pon...so ko rasa tgk bola far more important dari g semayang raya..what an idiot...what an idiot...what an idiot...orang macam nih patut pegi mati je....menyusahkan badan je posa...rugi je posa sebulan...
bila mana kita rasa bahawa tengok bola far more fulfilling we'd better do a check on ourselves....either we have a screw loose in the head...or kita sebenarnya tak fully observe the order of Allah and the sunnah of His prophet s.a.w...
cuba ko balik masa zaman nabi pastuh ko cakap kat mana2 sahabat ko malas nak pegi semayang raya......aku tak bole nak kata apa yang diorang akan buat...so think yourself.....
tu je la aku nak pasal eid mubarak...selamat hari raya...sapa2 yang terasa apa yang aku tulis...aku nak mintak mahap..tapi aku really meant it...do a check on ourselves
Sempena eid mubarak yang mluia nih ,aku nak cakap pasal solat eid...the biggest day after the month of Ramadan.
katakanlah ko ajak member ko pegi solat eid and dia cakap malas..camnih "Ah, maleh ah"....camne ko rasa....ko rasa tak kesah..ke..or ko rasa bagi penempeleng kat member ko tuh..enmm..senario nih apply utk orang lelaki je...and dia jawab lagi..."ada match bola ah kol 6am Team A vs Team B,".....ini memang answer yang will boil my blood and bukan je aku rasa nak tempeleng, aku rasa nak tambah dengan penyepak..double treat....
ko dah puasa sebulan pegi la semayang raya...bukan je lama pon...so ko rasa tgk bola far more important dari g semayang raya..what an idiot...what an idiot...what an idiot...orang macam nih patut pegi mati je....menyusahkan badan je posa...rugi je posa sebulan...
bila mana kita rasa bahawa tengok bola far more fulfilling we'd better do a check on ourselves....either we have a screw loose in the head...or kita sebenarnya tak fully observe the order of Allah and the sunnah of His prophet s.a.w...
cuba ko balik masa zaman nabi pastuh ko cakap kat mana2 sahabat ko malas nak pegi semayang raya......aku tak bole nak kata apa yang diorang akan buat...so think yourself.....
tu je la aku nak pasal eid mubarak...selamat hari raya...sapa2 yang terasa apa yang aku tulis...aku nak mintak mahap..tapi aku really meant it...do a check on ourselves
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
session 6
the time lost is the time lost forever...and so it seems
man , how i wish i could go back to the times bila every petang turun main bola and kena hambat ramai2 dengan warden. bila tak puas hati ngan contractor dewan makan g pecah masuk dewan makan. all your friends are your comrades in arms, and your brothers. bila rasa mengantuk dalam kelas bole tido, tak kesah sapa yang tengah mengajar.
aku dah masuk senior year...and all those years i never give a shit to have a real conversation except with those i came in contact everyday. and i am sure ada yang don't give a shit if aku or anyone else are around. aku try nak be more friendly with trivial questions but silence was the reply....aku pon terasa fucking annoyed...
hehehe..aku hold grudges against no one..so let that be..
dulu aku ada account friendster..nak ramaikan kawan and stuff ...satu hari aku terasa
lak menatang frienster nih macam mengarut ..terus aku delete account...let me tell you why....i've got no time to check who's giving comment and what not...that doesn't matter ... at the end of the day i trashed my friendster account....
aku pon terasa bersalah pasal tak baik dengan budak JPA yang lain...probably aku yang salah....dalam kelas pon tak nak bertegur.....kakaka...dua2 ego melampau...
aku took a stance to lay low and do what i need to do....so sapa2 yang terasa aku tk penah lak borak2 ngan diorang ...sori ah..aku tak resent anyone...aku nih jenis yang susah nak tegur orang..and orang tanya sepatah aku jawab sepatah.....further answer outside the realms of the question is a waste..
man , how i wish i could go back to the times bila every petang turun main bola and kena hambat ramai2 dengan warden. bila tak puas hati ngan contractor dewan makan g pecah masuk dewan makan. all your friends are your comrades in arms, and your brothers. bila rasa mengantuk dalam kelas bole tido, tak kesah sapa yang tengah mengajar.
aku dah masuk senior year...and all those years i never give a shit to have a real conversation except with those i came in contact everyday. and i am sure ada yang don't give a shit if aku or anyone else are around. aku try nak be more friendly with trivial questions but silence was the reply....aku pon terasa fucking annoyed...
hehehe..aku hold grudges against no one..so let that be..
dulu aku ada account friendster..nak ramaikan kawan and stuff ...satu hari aku terasa
lak menatang frienster nih macam mengarut ..terus aku delete account...let me tell you why....i've got no time to check who's giving comment and what not...that doesn't matter ... at the end of the day i trashed my friendster account....
aku pon terasa bersalah pasal tak baik dengan budak JPA yang lain...probably aku yang salah....dalam kelas pon tak nak bertegur.....kakaka...dua2 ego melampau...
aku took a stance to lay low and do what i need to do....so sapa2 yang terasa aku tk penah lak borak2 ngan diorang ...sori ah..aku tak resent anyone...aku nih jenis yang susah nak tegur orang..and orang tanya sepatah aku jawab sepatah.....further answer outside the realms of the question is a waste..
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
Monday, November 01, 2004
Session 4
The world is not a reality, it's full of sugar coated dreams and false faces...
The only reality is the next world.
so arininh aku sampaikan satu cerita yang aku dengar dari orang alim..ceritanya lebih kurang macam ini...
pada satu hari, ada seorang nabi nih jalan2 dan dia terserempak dengan seorang wanita tua sedang bersedh , di depan sebuah kubur. nabi tu pon atnya wanita tua tuh mengapa dia bersedih dan siapa tuan punya kubur itu. wanita tua pon jawab, kubur itu adalah kubur anak saya. Nabi tu pon tanya lagi...berapa umur anak kamu bila dia meninggal dunia...perempuan tua tu pon jawab..300 tahun...
Nabi tu pon bagi tahu perempuan tua tu supaya jangan bersedih dan bagitahu perempuan tua tu perihal akan datang satu kaum yang average umur mereka 60-70 tahun. Perempuan tua tu pon terkejut ,sebab pada masa tu lifespan orang beribu2 tahun. perempuan tua tu berfikir..apa yang bole kaum nih buat in such a short lifespan, kalau aku jadi mereka..aku akan habiskan seluruh hidup aku beribadat saja...
so camtuh la lebih kurang ceritanya....
so aku pon nak reflect tentang kejahilan diri aku sendiri....what say u?
The only reality is the next world.
so arininh aku sampaikan satu cerita yang aku dengar dari orang alim..ceritanya lebih kurang macam ini...
pada satu hari, ada seorang nabi nih jalan2 dan dia terserempak dengan seorang wanita tua sedang bersedh , di depan sebuah kubur. nabi tu pon atnya wanita tua tuh mengapa dia bersedih dan siapa tuan punya kubur itu. wanita tua pon jawab, kubur itu adalah kubur anak saya. Nabi tu pon tanya lagi...berapa umur anak kamu bila dia meninggal dunia...perempuan tua tu pon jawab..300 tahun...
Nabi tu pon bagi tahu perempuan tua tu supaya jangan bersedih dan bagitahu perempuan tua tu perihal akan datang satu kaum yang average umur mereka 60-70 tahun. Perempuan tua tu pon terkejut ,sebab pada masa tu lifespan orang beribu2 tahun. perempuan tua tu berfikir..apa yang bole kaum nih buat in such a short lifespan, kalau aku jadi mereka..aku akan habiskan seluruh hidup aku beribadat saja...
so camtuh la lebih kurang ceritanya....
so aku pon nak reflect tentang kejahilan diri aku sendiri....what say u?
Session 3
I don't feel anything against anyone......and Bull said, "that is the greatest misfortune on the face of the earth"......
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